4 Red Flags Gina Shouldn’t Have Ignored In Her Relationship with Ben.

Not every red flag is loud because some are subtle, dressed in affection and delivered with a smile. That’s what makes them dangerous.

Gina met Ben on a rainy Tuesday night in a small grocery store. They reached for the same pasta. They smiled at each other and struck up a conversation that lasted for two hours. Ben was a charming smart guy.. The kind of guy who remembered every tiny detail.

By their third date, Gina was hooked and by their third month, she thought she’d found the guy she always longed for.

But real love requires more than chemistry and grand gestures. And sometimes, the most dangerous relationships aren’t the ones that start with storms, but the ones that feel like sunshine while slowly eroding your sense of self.

Red flags could be identified in various form

• Control Disguised as Care: It began with compliments like; “You look so good in blue i think you should wear it more.” 
  shortly came the critiques: “This dress is not lengthy enough for an office wear, dont you think so?”

Ben made it sound like concern and Gina believed he was just being protective not knowing he was  slowly policing her choices of her outfits, her makeup and even her friendships.

It is important to note that If someone’s care makes you question your confidence or independence, it’s not care but it’s control.

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• Isolation Masked as Intimacy: Every hour Ben always wanted to be with Gina.  Even Every weekend was exempted.  At first, it felt romantic like she was finally someone’s entire world.

But when she wanted a girls' time to herself he always guilt-tripped her with these words;

“Why do you need them when you have me?” 
“You really don't miss me like I miss you when you are not with me.”

Gradually, her friendships faded.

Not because she wanted them to but because it became exhausting for her to defend them.

Note that a healthy relationship lets you keep your community and not replace it.

• Apologies Without Change: One night Gina found questionable texts on Ben’s phone.  

When she confronted him, he flipped it and replied; “You don’t trust me. You’re being dramatic.” 
As Gina expressed her displeasure he quickly said: “I’m sorry it won’t happen again.”

But it did several times again and again. .

You need to know that Apologies without changed behavior are just manipulation with good manners.

• Emotional Gaslighting: Whenever Gina brought up her feelings, Ben always turned the tables and the word she gets;.

“You’re too sensitive.” 
“You always want to start a fight.” 
“I’m trying my best i wonder why it is not enough for you?”

These questions and reaction made Gina to question herself and wonder if the problems are caused by her, She began to shrink her needs and silence her discomfort just to keep the peace.

If your feelings are constantly invalidated just know that you're not in a relationship but in a performance.